Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
