Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
