my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
