He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
