I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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