I wish I only lived at night.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
