It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
