After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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