I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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