Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
