You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
