You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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