yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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