I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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