How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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