I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
