Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
