I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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