My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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