I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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