The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
