how can u be prego again
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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