Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
