If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
The beer is more important than you right now.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
