her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Randomize
