Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
