he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
It's blow job season.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
