I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
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