Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I just googled if crying burns calories
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
