i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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