whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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