i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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