I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
When did we convert life to cartoon?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
