I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Houston, we have a blender
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize