if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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