the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
