Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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