I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
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