Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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