apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
