we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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