i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Randomize
