Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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