I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
