Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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