3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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