I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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