i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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