I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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