what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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