I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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