I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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