In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
