Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
this boner is exhausting
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
