please come you make the beer taste better
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
