There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
