the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
