Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
