So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
jump out the window naked night went bad
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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