dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
