I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
