guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
you told grandpa to call you daddy
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
