i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
