We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
So squirting runs in the family.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
