R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
