I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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