you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
