My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
