How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
