Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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