Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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