I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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