My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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