my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Pooping to opera.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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