I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
