exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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